shits and giggles

You know what's funny?
The shits.
Soup ass, McSquirts, The Splats, pick a name any name.
Its all the same and, though juvenile it may be, it is all fucking hilarious.
Or maybe I just think it is because I am a simple person and it doesn't take much to amuse me.
There isn't one person on this planet who is exempt from getting the shits.
Diarrhea unites us all.
The pains of the shits.
The sounds of the shits.
The inconvenience of the shits.
The all around embarrassing nature of the shits.
Brilliance in a bowl.
In movies or in real life.
To be honest though, there are cases of the runs that aren't that funny.
When your liver is coming out of your butt is a time its not funny.
I myself have had two instances like that.
The first was when I was about 10 years old and was at the Canada Games Pool with my friend and thought I was going to die in that handicapped toilet. Second time I was 16 and I had the McGurgle pains so bad I nearly passed out. That was scary I have to say.
And now, on to the funny shits.
Public toilets are fantastic when its not you.
My sister the other day had the craps. She was invited to go fishing but didn't want to go incase they came back while she was in the boat. So she then demonstrated how the conversation would go if they did. It was something like this, "Hey Tyler can you wait a minute I have to jump into the lake and take a shit, but it'll just be liquid so you won't even see it."
But the 'at home in the middle of the night when it is dead silent shits' are the best. You're doing your damndest to stifle the noises with little to no success and you end up waking the whole house which is just so humiliating all you can do is laugh and keep on shitting until you're done, and when you are you just creep your way back to bed and giggle your burning ring of fire back to sleep.

And no, I did not just have the shits.


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