Polly thanks you
Kelly says you should get really drunk this long weekend and make out with your best friend of the same sex in a pool in the middle of the night because that's what Kelly did last weekend.
substance
you need some
go find some
go to the park and look under some rocks
you'll find some
by the way
you're dumb
haha right
I have a note pad with little phrases and stupid shit on it and instead of sleeping last night I went through the whole thing and circled all the ones that said TAKE ME AWAY!
my head is sinking
Just dig a little deeper girls, you'll find the real him.
he's too touchy feel-y
it bugs me
i'm not a cuddly fucking teddy bear
even if I am squishy like one
cow uh bun guh
I want a rich person to die and leave me their money so I can not work and just stay in my house all day for the rest of the days. I had a nap today and felt like shit when I woke up and I drank a big glass of coffee with ice with a straw and scrubbed my window with a toothbrush. I showered and it was amazing and it made me think of a purple dildo. Me and Darcy are going to Dr. Love this weekend he's tagging along with me while I be a PERV. Actually he's taking me not the other way around. I ate chocolate ice cream with with extra chocolate it was way too chocolaty I couldn't finish it so I dumped it in the sink and poured hot water on it until it melted down the drain. I think the weather is making me sad. When we were at the hospital picking Cheryl up this morning I watched all the people and tried to guess who had a dying family member just by the looks on their faces. I'm so morbid. Then I put a really sad look on my face and acted like I had a dying family member just to see if anyone would give me a pity glance or nod or smile. Nada. Self absorbed people. Crazy me. I just asked Cheryl for one of her pain pills she got. They're not a narcotic but they have a funny name and I want to try one. She said no. No sleep for me again tonight. It is so cold outside. My feet are cold numb. I am wearing socks.
_
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
let pantene go
kelly says no kelly says no kelly says no kelly says no kelly says no kelly says no kelly says no kelly says no kelly says no kelly says no kelly says no kelly says no kelly says no kelly says no kelly says no kelly says no kelly says no kelly says no kelly says no kelly says no kelly says no kelly says no
yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes
KELLY KELLY KELLY
my sister is in the hospital has a clogged gland which spread infection to her lymph nodes so shes having surgery and shes really scared which i understand because being put out is like being dead for a while and its really scary waking up naked with your gown nicely tucked under where it wasnt when you were awake the first time
I draw i draw i draw i draw i draw i draw
no coffee today
let pantene out ok folks
_
yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes yes
KELLY KELLY KELLY
my sister is in the hospital has a clogged gland which spread infection to her lymph nodes so shes having surgery and shes really scared which i understand because being put out is like being dead for a while and its really scary waking up naked with your gown nicely tucked under where it wasnt when you were awake the first time
I draw i draw i draw i draw i draw i draw
no coffee today
let pantene out ok folks
_
Monday, July 28, 2008
dear: boy who broke my sad drunken heart
It happened well over a week ago but I'm still livid about it.
so,
Letter.
To whom it may concern,
You couldn't even apologize to my face - despite having the better part of a day to do it - so I don't really feel I owe you the decency of saying this to yours. First, I'm not angry because you were being a drunken insecure jerk on the one day that was supposed to be mine. I'm fucking miffed at what you said and what it implied. Just in case you don't remember, you nakedly confessed that you think you're better than every last person who was there. You then proceeded to denounce that I am, in fact, exactly like them. I think you know where I'm going with this.
Well I think it is high time you learned something. You are not superior to me. Nor are you superior to my sister or her friends, or acquaintances and strangers alike. Plain and simply. You are not better. In any way, shape, or form. All you are is luckier.
The second you laid your eyes on those people you judged their appearances and their words and, much to my utter disgust, their worth. When you first apologized I said it was OK because it hadn't really sunk in yet and I was still wanting to believe that my friend wasn't - couldn't be - that shallow. They are human beings for crying out loud. People you deemed not worth your precious time because of conflicting interests. They are human beings who know pain. Real pain. The kind that you can only know if you've experienced it. They know that pain is not some upper/middle class boy who can't get chicks. Pain is a child who cries herself to sleep night after night wondering why her Daddy doesn't love her, what she did wrong to make him not want her anymore. It is witnessing what addiction does to people, having your family torn apart, it is being neglected, beaten, used, abused - things you have never and will never know. Pain is the broken lives that stem from broken homes. You do not know their circumstances, you do not know their stories, and you clearly do not know what it is to feel as though the only way you're able to make it through one more day is to escape, be it via drugs or alcohol with those who's pain you have in common.
I should have seen it earlier. I am really quite embarrassed that I didn't clue in until you flat out confessed what you truly think of me. I am sorely tempted to return the favor, to tell you what I now think of you. Instead I will just say that my opinion of you has changed completely, and I will leave it at that.
I will put up with a lot of shit from the people I love but I am resolute when it comes to the line what is: being told I am lesser than for reasons in which I have no control over. I have no say in the hand I've been delt, just as everyone else in the world has no say. Yes, we have a say in how we deal with it, but when you know only one way to deal, that's the way you're going to deal.
It is not your fault you weren't brought up knowing more about the real world and the challenges people face. But it is your fault for being so damn ignorant about it.
Look down on me all you want, but at least I know what the fuck I am and that is an imperfect being.
So you can just take all your shallow judgments, stick 'em in the back pocket of your hundred dollar jeans, and skip with them all the way back to your beautifully sheltered life where they belong.
_
so,
Letter.
To whom it may concern,
You couldn't even apologize to my face - despite having the better part of a day to do it - so I don't really feel I owe you the decency of saying this to yours. First, I'm not angry because you were being a drunken insecure jerk on the one day that was supposed to be mine. I'm fucking miffed at what you said and what it implied. Just in case you don't remember, you nakedly confessed that you think you're better than every last person who was there. You then proceeded to denounce that I am, in fact, exactly like them. I think you know where I'm going with this.
Well I think it is high time you learned something. You are not superior to me. Nor are you superior to my sister or her friends, or acquaintances and strangers alike. Plain and simply. You are not better. In any way, shape, or form. All you are is luckier.
The second you laid your eyes on those people you judged their appearances and their words and, much to my utter disgust, their worth. When you first apologized I said it was OK because it hadn't really sunk in yet and I was still wanting to believe that my friend wasn't - couldn't be - that shallow. They are human beings for crying out loud. People you deemed not worth your precious time because of conflicting interests. They are human beings who know pain. Real pain. The kind that you can only know if you've experienced it. They know that pain is not some upper/middle class boy who can't get chicks. Pain is a child who cries herself to sleep night after night wondering why her Daddy doesn't love her, what she did wrong to make him not want her anymore. It is witnessing what addiction does to people, having your family torn apart, it is being neglected, beaten, used, abused - things you have never and will never know. Pain is the broken lives that stem from broken homes. You do not know their circumstances, you do not know their stories, and you clearly do not know what it is to feel as though the only way you're able to make it through one more day is to escape, be it via drugs or alcohol with those who's pain you have in common.
I should have seen it earlier. I am really quite embarrassed that I didn't clue in until you flat out confessed what you truly think of me. I am sorely tempted to return the favor, to tell you what I now think of you. Instead I will just say that my opinion of you has changed completely, and I will leave it at that.
I will put up with a lot of shit from the people I love but I am resolute when it comes to the line what is: being told I am lesser than for reasons in which I have no control over. I have no say in the hand I've been delt, just as everyone else in the world has no say. Yes, we have a say in how we deal with it, but when you know only one way to deal, that's the way you're going to deal.
It is not your fault you weren't brought up knowing more about the real world and the challenges people face. But it is your fault for being so damn ignorant about it.
Look down on me all you want, but at least I know what the fuck I am and that is an imperfect being.
So you can just take all your shallow judgments, stick 'em in the back pocket of your hundred dollar jeans, and skip with them all the way back to your beautifully sheltered life where they belong.
_
Thursday, July 24, 2008
pow pow chicka chick
Last night was
fun
I drank my face off and almost lost my iPod several times then drank some more then on the way home I said some stupid drunken manic run-around-in-a-circle philosophical bullshit to Donald that made wicked sense but for the life of me I can't remember what it was. Then Cheryl decided on two Mozza burgers for 6 dollars. I of course had to pay and then I was so drunk I couldn't even taste it but not drunk enough to not remember to check for tomato. I cut my fingers on my left hand, two of them. The ring finger and the middle one that is used for verbal profanity. The ring one I sliced open with a razor blade while trying to get the cardboard cover back on it so as to block it from well, CUTTING YOU and the swear word finger I cut with scissors whilst cutting tape for the previously cut finger. Both cuts are right on the tips on the finger print part and the band-aids are a pain in the ass especially while typing. So what else can I tell you. Darcy and I both imagined hearing his name being called when we went for a walk to the park of an elementary school I once upon a time attended. Anyway so we're walking along and these kids in a yard on a trampoline say hi so we're like "HI" and then we both hear one say "hey Darcy" so we walk over and we're all who the fuck is that and there are a bunch of like, 14 year old boys chilling like villains and they're all "what the fuck is going on" and we're all "who the hell are you guys why did you call Darcy" I think we frightened them a little bit. So we walked away and I told them to stay in school.
I don't know what a shout out is but I'm giving one to Darcy because I think he's reading this and I want the pictures of us so people can see just how mega sweet we are.
And now I leave you with pictures of me in bed drunk off my ass last night.
And wow they all look the same.
One more thing. Lets all take a moment to admire the perfection what is my eyebrows. I'm not being jokey here, this is not my usual false arrogance schtick. They are truly terrific. The creme de la creme of my features. OK I'm done.
Later on in the program: Kelly starting some shit with a person
_
Friday, July 18, 2008
how's this for attention
Nature intended for you to be perfect - that's why they make organic makeup.
Self-loathing is selfish.
The plight of the pleasant peasant who ate pheasant.
His name was Perry.
Funny how the people who know you the best are the most oblivious as to who you really are.
Too much becomes not enough when you have nothing left.
Happiness is incorporated
Sadness is syndicated
© -blog
so for a few years now my lady friends and sister have asked/been asking me to dress them up and do their makeup and i still can't figure out why. no that's not true, i have amazing style i'm a fucking fashionista icon. i do the makeup "oh kelly i love it how did you do that you have to teach me i need that color blah blah!" i throw several items of clothing at them, they put it on look in the mirror and say "i'm dressed like you now". i wonder how that could be? can't possibly have ANYTHING to do with the fact you're wearing MY clothes and we have different styles eh. no that would just make too much sense. what is my point - if you don't want to look like me don't ask to wear my clothes. all your "... i look like you" 's can go to hell its not my fault you can't pull it off so don't act like i'm the one who is inadequate. there isn't fuck all wrong with how i look.
my dog got shit on by a bird this morning.
_
Self-loathing is selfish.
The plight of the pleasant peasant who ate pheasant.
His name was Perry.
Funny how the people who know you the best are the most oblivious as to who you really are.
Too much becomes not enough when you have nothing left.
Happiness is incorporated
Sadness is syndicated
© -blog
so for a few years now my lady friends and sister have asked/been asking me to dress them up and do their makeup and i still can't figure out why. no that's not true, i have amazing style i'm a fucking fashionista icon. i do the makeup "oh kelly i love it how did you do that you have to teach me i need that color blah blah!" i throw several items of clothing at them, they put it on look in the mirror and say "i'm dressed like you now". i wonder how that could be? can't possibly have ANYTHING to do with the fact you're wearing MY clothes and we have different styles eh. no that would just make too much sense. what is my point - if you don't want to look like me don't ask to wear my clothes. all your "... i look like you" 's can go to hell its not my fault you can't pull it off so don't act like i'm the one who is inadequate. there isn't fuck all wrong with how i look.
my dog got shit on by a bird this morning.
_
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
because you care and because I suck
What can I tell you?
Camembert and prosciutto on buttercrisps are amazing.
They are also why I look like a prize fucking heifer.
My barfday is tomorrow and I'm feeling sorry for myself because I have no friends.
Finally have an appointment with a neurologist about my headaches - something that should have been done since day-fucking-one.
I got so angry this morning I have no doubt in my mind I could have killed someone in 0.2 seconds had they crossed my path.
My internet broke and somehow fixed itself this morning.
My brain isn't working and I, evidently, forgot how to blog.
_
Camembert and prosciutto on buttercrisps are amazing.
They are also why I look like a prize fucking heifer.
My barfday is tomorrow and I'm feeling sorry for myself because I have no friends.
Finally have an appointment with a neurologist about my headaches - something that should have been done since day-fucking-one.
I got so angry this morning I have no doubt in my mind I could have killed someone in 0.2 seconds had they crossed my path.
My internet broke and somehow fixed itself this morning.
My brain isn't working and I, evidently, forgot how to blog.
_
Thursday, July 10, 2008
my restraint
So I still don't really know what is wrong with me - the reason I've been sleeping non-stop for 3 days and am so tired and weak I can hardly find the energy to chew my cereal, and the fact that I've had a headache for 5 days.
Went to the stupid walk-in doc.
He, to me, seems like a clueless fuck that is far too cheery and energetic to not be on coke.
So, as probably none of you know, I've battled with migraine headaches since I was ten years old.
Been to many doctors about them, even some specialists.
Had x-rays done on my noggin' .
The works.
Some said "oh we just don't know, live with them."
Eye doc said get glasses. So I did.
Family doc said go here, here, and here.
So I did.
One said it was stress related.
I'm like, "what the fuck kind of 10 year old is stressed, dude?"
But this new idiot today said my current problem is the headache which is caused by muscle tension, quite possibly, but not necessarily, from my pesky over-sized knockers.
I call BULLSHIT!
These doctors seem to forget that I started getting these headache when I was ten years old. 10. That is 5+5. Last time I checked, I hadn't even remotely hit puberty at 10 and I weighed like, 20 pounds so there go your stupid stress and tension theories, assholes.
But anyway, he put me on Naproxen which is an anti inflammatory used for chronic pain and explained my fatigue (God what a pompous dipshit) as a result of my body being unable to handle the constant tension and pain so its "breaking down".
I can't believe I'm even telling you guys this it just seems so utterly dim-witted to me.
Anyway.
I have to take the Naproxen 3 times a day with food for a while and then lower the dosage and if (read: WHEN) it doesn't work he'll take me off it and throw some new ridiculous theories in a hat to pick out and try.
Though I know it is just going to be a waste of time, its worth it because he gave me some good pain killers HAHA!
=================
In addition:
I'm officially toasted on my pain meds.
_
Went to the stupid walk-in doc.
He, to me, seems like a clueless fuck that is far too cheery and energetic to not be on coke.
So, as probably none of you know, I've battled with migraine headaches since I was ten years old.
Been to many doctors about them, even some specialists.
Had x-rays done on my noggin' .
The works.
Some said "oh we just don't know, live with them."
Eye doc said get glasses. So I did.
Family doc said go here, here, and here.
So I did.
One said it was stress related.
I'm like, "what the fuck kind of 10 year old is stressed, dude?"
But this new idiot today said my current problem is the headache which is caused by muscle tension, quite possibly, but not necessarily, from my pesky over-sized knockers.
I call BULLSHIT!
These doctors seem to forget that I started getting these headache when I was ten years old. 10. That is 5+5. Last time I checked, I hadn't even remotely hit puberty at 10 and I weighed like, 20 pounds so there go your stupid stress and tension theories, assholes.
But anyway, he put me on Naproxen which is an anti inflammatory used for chronic pain and explained my fatigue (God what a pompous dipshit) as a result of my body being unable to handle the constant tension and pain so its "breaking down".
I can't believe I'm even telling you guys this it just seems so utterly dim-witted to me.
Anyway.
I have to take the Naproxen 3 times a day with food for a while and then lower the dosage and if (read: WHEN) it doesn't work he'll take me off it and throw some new ridiculous theories in a hat to pick out and try.
Though I know it is just going to be a waste of time, its worth it because he gave me some good pain killers HAHA!
=================
In addition:
I'm officially toasted on my pain meds.
_
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
shit dumb dumb
So yesterday I literally slept - and I do mean literally - all day.
Got up a few times to let the dogs out to do their business as well as take care of my own.
Oh, speaking of business, I almost had an accidental business in my pants.
I was lying down in bed and thought I just had to fart but then my stomach burbled and I knew that if I let it go it was going to get messy so I went to the can and I was right.
And this is the last time I talk about poop on my blog I swear.
Then later on at about 6pm I got up to shower and when I got out and lied down on the couch Cheryl comes up and says she's going to go hang out with my good friend because I mean, that's not weird at all.
In my odd sleepy trance I was like uhh yeah that makes me feel totally insecure like, oh my God he doesn't want to be my friend anymore and he's going to replace me with my sister.
I'm over it now though.
Although my pathetic-ness over things like that never ceases to astound me.
So one time when I was a kid I was chasing something in my grandparents backyard and I wasn't looking where I was going and I ran mouth first into a picnic table and knocked a tooth out and I was crying and crying then everyone came to my rescue and I felt all loved.
I shoved a bead up my nose when I was a kid too. Cheryl made me do it. It got stuck and we had to go to the hospital to get it sucked out. I think I got a sucker "for being brave". Apparently when you're a kid you can get away with the absolute dumbest shit on this planet and still be told you're brave when you make your parents drag your ass to the emergency to waste everyone's time.
OK I'm going to go back to bed.
_
Got up a few times to let the dogs out to do their business as well as take care of my own.
Oh, speaking of business, I almost had an accidental business in my pants.
I was lying down in bed and thought I just had to fart but then my stomach burbled and I knew that if I let it go it was going to get messy so I went to the can and I was right.
And this is the last time I talk about poop on my blog I swear.
Then later on at about 6pm I got up to shower and when I got out and lied down on the couch Cheryl comes up and says she's going to go hang out with my good friend because I mean, that's not weird at all.
In my odd sleepy trance I was like uhh yeah that makes me feel totally insecure like, oh my God he doesn't want to be my friend anymore and he's going to replace me with my sister.
I'm over it now though.
Although my pathetic-ness over things like that never ceases to astound me.
So one time when I was a kid I was chasing something in my grandparents backyard and I wasn't looking where I was going and I ran mouth first into a picnic table and knocked a tooth out and I was crying and crying then everyone came to my rescue and I felt all loved.
I shoved a bead up my nose when I was a kid too. Cheryl made me do it. It got stuck and we had to go to the hospital to get it sucked out. I think I got a sucker "for being brave". Apparently when you're a kid you can get away with the absolute dumbest shit on this planet and still be told you're brave when you make your parents drag your ass to the emergency to waste everyone's time.
OK I'm going to go back to bed.
_
Sunday, July 6, 2008
cranny moles
I woke up and drank coffee, flipped through the paper to find out that a fat guy in the city's council is a blogger and that at London Drugs you can get 2 cans of nuts for only 5 dollars.
An interesting night it was.
My sort of once upon time friend/school peer/once drunk make out person, Dan, called me at fucking 1 AM on the one night I'm actually sleeping and he's all drunk and what not telling me he's just down my street and wants me to come have a beer and talk and I'm like "NO! I'm fucking sleeping!" So he's just going on with his drunk babbling - something about how we "make plans" and then never actually do anything and the rest I couldn't understand so I just said no I'm not coming out to have a beer whilst I'm still half asleep and he kept on begging me. Drunk people don't know the meaning of 'no', did you know that? Oh and he did the one thing I hate most - he called once then called right back a second later. When someone doesn't answer the first time you call there is usually a reason like, I don't know, they're sleeping, not there, screening your calls. Plus I have an answering machine and call display so I know you called and if you're important enough I will call you back. The only reason I answered the second time is because usually when someone is that determined to get a hold of you at an hour like that there's something wrong.
Hour later - Cheryl comes stumbling into the house, the dogs bark and wake me up again and she lets two "totally smoking hot guys" who were "macking on her all night" in to pee so there's more noise for ya then they go and she bangs her way up the stairs to tell me that she's home because there is no way I would have figured it out on my own what with the two stranger dude's voices and slamming and dog barking and toilet flushing going on.
This morning after coffee and paper and before blog I went downstairs to say good morning and ask if she wanted some java and what do I see but a thousand dollar camera sitting on the dryer. She doesn't know how it got there. Being the fine detective that I am I came up with two possible explanations: she either stole it or the hot gay lovers left it there when they came in to urinate.
Either way I want it and next time the whole world is drunk drinking I want to participate.
oh and i completely forgot.
i had a dirty dirty sex dream sometime during the night
i was the only one in it
figure that out.
_
An interesting night it was.
My sort of once upon time friend/school peer/once drunk make out person, Dan, called me at fucking 1 AM on the one night I'm actually sleeping and he's all drunk and what not telling me he's just down my street and wants me to come have a beer and talk and I'm like "NO! I'm fucking sleeping!" So he's just going on with his drunk babbling - something about how we "make plans" and then never actually do anything and the rest I couldn't understand so I just said no I'm not coming out to have a beer whilst I'm still half asleep and he kept on begging me. Drunk people don't know the meaning of 'no', did you know that? Oh and he did the one thing I hate most - he called once then called right back a second later. When someone doesn't answer the first time you call there is usually a reason like, I don't know, they're sleeping, not there, screening your calls. Plus I have an answering machine and call display so I know you called and if you're important enough I will call you back. The only reason I answered the second time is because usually when someone is that determined to get a hold of you at an hour like that there's something wrong.
Hour later - Cheryl comes stumbling into the house, the dogs bark and wake me up again and she lets two "totally smoking hot guys" who were "macking on her all night" in to pee so there's more noise for ya then they go and she bangs her way up the stairs to tell me that she's home because there is no way I would have figured it out on my own what with the two stranger dude's voices and slamming and dog barking and toilet flushing going on.
This morning after coffee and paper and before blog I went downstairs to say good morning and ask if she wanted some java and what do I see but a thousand dollar camera sitting on the dryer. She doesn't know how it got there. Being the fine detective that I am I came up with two possible explanations: she either stole it or the hot gay lovers left it there when they came in to urinate.
Either way I want it and next time the whole world is drunk drinking I want to participate.
oh and i completely forgot.
i had a dirty dirty sex dream sometime during the night
i was the only one in it
figure that out.
_
Saturday, July 5, 2008
puppy shrub dog killer dream Kelly
I had a dream last night, well, this morning actually.
I didn't get to sleep till after 5 and it was light out by the time I drifted off muhahah then my cat raped my face all morning.
Anyway, the dream! Yes the dream.
So in my dream I was making out with Aidan while we walked along a really long highway that was all downhill and I think it was somewhere like L.A. because no highways around these here parts look like that.
And on this highway there were speeding cars and we walked super fast and all the walking was a piece of cake to us because it was a dream.
The strange part was all along the highway there were all these super cute super small puppies that followed you and sometimes ran away from you and peeked over bushes at you. Kind of like deer only they were puppies. Figure that one out.
So when I see this really tiny puppy jumping all around us after a good ol' snog against the asphalt where all the drivers saw us and honked I told him to pick the dog up and then 3 more came to us.
I picked up two of the three that were hovering our feet and he picked up one and we left the sad fluffy looking one that was hiding behind a shrub.
Then we made it down this never ending highway when it ended and took the dogs to a house party and let them go and he gave me his number and I got all needy and wrote my number on his double jointed arm with indelible ink so as to say OMG CALL ME PLEASE I PUT OUT.
Then I woke up and was really sad and angry with myself that I didn't grab every single puppy on that highway and take them to the S.P.C.A. I mean I was really upset. I couldn't believe I took three dogs and left the saddest looking one on the road to get smooshed.
(In real life I would never leave them behind. I'd get smooshed myself trying to save them.)
Oh, and I don't know anyone named Aidan but he was really short and had stupid long surfer hair that I hate.
_
I didn't get to sleep till after 5 and it was light out by the time I drifted off muhahah then my cat raped my face all morning.
Anyway, the dream! Yes the dream.
So in my dream I was making out with Aidan while we walked along a really long highway that was all downhill and I think it was somewhere like L.A. because no highways around these here parts look like that.
And on this highway there were speeding cars and we walked super fast and all the walking was a piece of cake to us because it was a dream.
The strange part was all along the highway there were all these super cute super small puppies that followed you and sometimes ran away from you and peeked over bushes at you. Kind of like deer only they were puppies. Figure that one out.
So when I see this really tiny puppy jumping all around us after a good ol' snog against the asphalt where all the drivers saw us and honked I told him to pick the dog up and then 3 more came to us.
I picked up two of the three that were hovering our feet and he picked up one and we left the sad fluffy looking one that was hiding behind a shrub.
Then we made it down this never ending highway when it ended and took the dogs to a house party and let them go and he gave me his number and I got all needy and wrote my number on his double jointed arm with indelible ink so as to say OMG CALL ME PLEASE I PUT OUT.
Then I woke up and was really sad and angry with myself that I didn't grab every single puppy on that highway and take them to the S.P.C.A. I mean I was really upset. I couldn't believe I took three dogs and left the saddest looking one on the road to get smooshed.
(In real life I would never leave them behind. I'd get smooshed myself trying to save them.)
Oh, and I don't know anyone named Aidan but he was really short and had stupid long surfer hair that I hate.
_
scat in the cloverfield eating a bag in a force field shield
James and I wuv each other and since neither of us have lives we draw for each other.
Click to enlarge.
James drawring:
Mine drawring:
I'm clearly the more talented of the two - like I needed to tell you though right its kinda like, duh.
James - says:
LOL thats intense
Kelly says:
I'm talented, I know
Kelly says:
he has one leg
Kelly says:
and he is awsome
James - says:
He lost it fighting cloverfield
Kelly says:
ohhhhh
Kelly says:
I have no explanation for mine
James - says:
Yours is very randomly awesome
Kelly says:
I just drew what my brain thought
_
Click to enlarge.
James drawring:
Mine drawring:
I'm clearly the more talented of the two - like I needed to tell you though right its kinda like, duh.
James - says:
LOL thats intense
Kelly says:
I'm talented, I know
Kelly says:
he has one leg
Kelly says:
and he is awsome
James - says:
He lost it fighting cloverfield
Kelly says:
ohhhhh
Kelly says:
I have no explanation for mine
James - says:
Yours is very randomly awesome
Kelly says:
I just drew what my brain thought
_
Friday, July 4, 2008
shits and giggles
You know what's funny?
The shits.
Soup ass, McSquirts, The Splats, pick a name any name.
Its all the same and, though juvenile it may be, it is all fucking hilarious.
Or maybe I just think it is because I am a simple person and it doesn't take much to amuse me.
There isn't one person on this planet who is exempt from getting the shits.
Diarrhea unites us all.
The pains of the shits.
The sounds of the shits.
The inconvenience of the shits.
The all around embarrassing nature of the shits.
Brilliance in a bowl.
In movies or in real life.
To be honest though, there are cases of the runs that aren't that funny.
When your liver is coming out of your butt is a time its not funny.
I myself have had two instances like that.
The first was when I was about 10 years old and was at the Canada Games Pool with my friend and thought I was going to die in that handicapped toilet. Second time I was 16 and I had the McGurgle pains so bad I nearly passed out. That was scary I have to say.
And now, on to the funny shits.
Public toilets are fantastic when its not you.
My sister the other day had the craps. She was invited to go fishing but didn't want to go incase they came back while she was in the boat. So she then demonstrated how the conversation would go if they did. It was something like this, "Hey Tyler can you wait a minute I have to jump into the lake and take a shit, but it'll just be liquid so you won't even see it."
But the 'at home in the middle of the night when it is dead silent shits' are the best. You're doing your damndest to stifle the noises with little to no success and you end up waking the whole house which is just so humiliating all you can do is laugh and keep on shitting until you're done, and when you are you just creep your way back to bed and giggle your burning ring of fire back to sleep.
And no, I did not just have the shits.
_
The shits.
Soup ass, McSquirts, The Splats, pick a name any name.
Its all the same and, though juvenile it may be, it is all fucking hilarious.
Or maybe I just think it is because I am a simple person and it doesn't take much to amuse me.
There isn't one person on this planet who is exempt from getting the shits.
Diarrhea unites us all.
The pains of the shits.
The sounds of the shits.
The inconvenience of the shits.
The all around embarrassing nature of the shits.
Brilliance in a bowl.
In movies or in real life.
To be honest though, there are cases of the runs that aren't that funny.
When your liver is coming out of your butt is a time its not funny.
I myself have had two instances like that.
The first was when I was about 10 years old and was at the Canada Games Pool with my friend and thought I was going to die in that handicapped toilet. Second time I was 16 and I had the McGurgle pains so bad I nearly passed out. That was scary I have to say.
And now, on to the funny shits.
Public toilets are fantastic when its not you.
My sister the other day had the craps. She was invited to go fishing but didn't want to go incase they came back while she was in the boat. So she then demonstrated how the conversation would go if they did. It was something like this, "Hey Tyler can you wait a minute I have to jump into the lake and take a shit, but it'll just be liquid so you won't even see it."
But the 'at home in the middle of the night when it is dead silent shits' are the best. You're doing your damndest to stifle the noises with little to no success and you end up waking the whole house which is just so humiliating all you can do is laugh and keep on shitting until you're done, and when you are you just creep your way back to bed and giggle your burning ring of fire back to sleep.
And no, I did not just have the shits.
_
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
