real butter

weak week

Wednesday, Thursday, or Friday I don't remember but it was Stacy's birthday party she had family over and she got us a piñata with matching Best Friend keys chain necklaces which is so juvenile its adult since we don't know how to use our words that's how we tell each other "love you man". We drank and drank and drank and did coke and coke and more coke. I lost track of how many drinks I had which I quite literally never do and I lost track of how many lines we did. I was drunk off my ass and coked out my mind I couldn't get my eyes to open wide enough and I kept thinking god why won't they just open a little wider that's all they need to do and I was all twitchy but I didn't get the drips probably because I was drinking one beer after the other and just wasn't able to register it. I think we went to bed at 4 AM Stacy passed right out and I lied there with my heart pounding in my ears for over two hours listening to music thinking about either something or nothing. How high I was didn't even freak me out which was beyond weird. I was super depressed that day and the three before that before Stacy called me in the afternoon I was sitting at my kitchen table and lost it and started crying uncontrollably. I went to the mall a few days later and I really really REALLY fucking hate that place. The only thing I bought was an iced espresso. Saw The Dark Knight. Was too pathetic to really pay attention which I think bummed James out because he really liked it and the whole time all I could think was how DID the Joker get his scars and Maggie Gyllenwhatever is just as if not more boring than Katie Holmes.

Oh at Stacy's party her little surrogate brothers loved me. One had to go to bed early because he was being a shit and his mom wasn't having it. The youngest one I think he was 4 or 5? anyway he just loved me for some reason because kids hate me because they somehow intuitively know I hate them but I was drunk ergo I was nice and happy and it was so sweet he kept picking flowers and bringing them to me. Stacy and her fake mom Deidre kept telling me all night how pretty they thought I was but I saw through it, they were patronizing me because I'm so transparent they could tell how much I hated life and myself that day plus I stuck out like a sore thumb with my whiter than white skin and dark red lips and the rest of my slob body. It was rad. I really like them all.

I crapped like 6 times yesterday and stayed up most of the night watching TV on my sister's memory foam bed and chasing her stupid horrible cats all over the basement.

a haiku for Darcy:

Darcy you rock ass
My Haiku skills are such shit
Ice cream and big balls

_