i feel imotional

i hurt my neck
really badly
i was showering
rinsing shampoo out of my hair
then all the sudden i couldn't move
so for two days all i ate was pain killers and muscle relaxers
and now i think i took too many because i'm having crazy stomach pains that make me think i have given myself an ulcer or something

my mommy is proud of me
i'm finally going to get crazy person help
i go to an info session this friday
then for 2 wednesdays there's a prerequisite relaxation group
then 8 sessions of the crazy person group therapy
they assured me i wouldn't have to be standing up and saying "hi my name is" kind of stuff
how fucking ironic is it that i'm attending a thing for anxiety that is causing me anxiety because i'm going to be surrounded with the one thing that causes me such huge anxiety
that made tons of sense

do i be super original for halloween and just wear devil horns and drag queen makeup or do i throw a trench coat, hat and fake moustache on and be a cross-dressing Sherlock?


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street angel house devil

totally forgot i had these pictures
from camping like, months ago

Drinkin in the girls' room


We played cards in the shit machine stalls
whilst laughing drunkenly/maniacally at our cleverness/idiocracy , a woman walked in probably thinking something sinister was going on oh no sorry lady we're just you know, playing go fish
i have a video but that will never see the light of day
so to speak



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poo

UGH
ok so i'm sitting at the computer here going about my business, belting out a laura marling tune and my sister does her creepy sneak into the house silently thing
i'm embarrassed all over again
when you're maybe intoxicated and break out in song and dance in front of company, that's one thing but when you're just givin'er by yourself and then someone walks in, you're not being fun and entertaining you're just left there looking/feeling like an epically retarded idiot

i swear to god if i feel my cheeks heat up with embarrassment once more this week, i'm going to shoot myself in the fucking face


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i have never been so embarrassed in my life

Had some really deep arguments with my mom and sister yesterday. capitol punishment and boob jobs. i'm against both and sister is all for killing people and mom is all for plastic so they, of course, throw some big elaborate circumstances my way so as to make their points. my rebuttals were short and sweet like me minus the sweet. tax dollars or human rights, hmmm... sorry there's no justifying taking a human life. that ended that one. and no having breast cancer and mastectomy and then reconstruction is not the same as having some boobie insecurities. losing a part of your body is not equal to mosquito bite tits mmkay?
god i'm so deep

then being the rocket scientist genius that i am i got drunk and subsequently decided it would be a good great awsome idea to take a tab of ecstacy and just hang out and be cool all by myself. around 12 pm it kicks in just when i think its a lost cause and then i start texting jamie - warning him of the dangers of drunk dialing/emailing/texting and of course driving. he says since he doesn't drive he's got that one covered and that his next purchase is going to be a 10-15 grand car and at this point i don't even know what exactly was going on in my pickled little brain but i determined a 10-15 grand car was the name of a vehicle, told him i don't know what that is and something about car lingo i'm not up to date on blah blah kelly's a blonde bimbo basically. 30 minutes later i clue in. grand means thousand, kelly. as in DOLLARS not like pontiac grand prix kind of deal. I've been obsessing about is since. i've never felt so stupid/smart in my life and i say that with absolute conviction.
how can you tell i'm compensating for that fuck up with smrt people words?

good story kelly

moral of the story though - don't do drugs they make you do stupid things

i like it better when i'm not feeling sorry for myself


spicy pickled beans do not get along with my stomach and the best drunken midnight snack ever is camembert on crackers with a side of tap water and gravol

i found out my dad votes conservative.
EWW
good thing he's only my step or i might be ashamed telling you that

and here's a fun fact
i know 6 left handed people
all of which are dudes
and given that i don't socialize and all that jazz that's pretty impressive i think
right ok then


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I liked it better when I was nutty and depressed and didn't know it because at least then I wasn't aware of how little attention people pay
you hide your drinking for 5 years and they all know then you did it in front of them and they're oblivious as to how much and how often
i don't get it
goodbye


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