Monday, June 30, 2008

straw

So I've held back from being the real total crazy sketch-bag that I really am because a few of the people that read this are friends and although I know they must know I'm not even remotely normal they never say anything to me about it and when I say "wow I'm really a loser psycho" they go, "aww no Kel, no you aren't."
My sister knows me and knows that I'm not OK and she knows that you know AND that I know. We all fucking know.
Yeah by they way, I can handle honesty and your bullshit is not helping me.
OK mmkay? Thanks dick fucks.
No longer will I hide my non-sane-ness from the "world".

I'm afraid of people and I have anxiety attacks when I'm in public and when I have to make phone calls - even simple ones like to Blockbuster to ask if they can put a movie on hold for me.

I brush my teeth in the shower.

Reality is not real to me.

I spend my days in my head in a make-believe life.

Being is simply too hard.

I am just about a perfect match for the diagnostic criteria of that of someone with Schizotypal personality disorder and Avoidant personality disorder.
As well as borderline personality disorder. The only thing there that doesn't match my personality is the intense interpersonal relationships and promiscuity. The relationships I have are pretty well all in my head and I'm too not social to fuck people.